Those Advice given by A Parent That Saved Me as a New Parent

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You require assistance. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to talk among men, who often absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to request a break - spending a few days overseas, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."